My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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