He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
