It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
