They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
