Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
