ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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