Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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