I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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