I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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