Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
