I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
