I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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