So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
