i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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