"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
