and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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