We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
