Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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