your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
