I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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