you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize