In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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