At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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