Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
