I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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