Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
