so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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