She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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