I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Vodka?
Forever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
