but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
