You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
