Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
