Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
