Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize