Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am mentally ready for anal.
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