wat bout pragnant strippers??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
