she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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