lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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