i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
