Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
