Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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