if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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