I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am mentally ready for anal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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