This is not my ceiling
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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