You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize