Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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