I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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