What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
