You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
