ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
