I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
