apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He kissed a someone with a penis
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
