I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
