Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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