jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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