You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
