What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
