Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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