we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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