OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
