At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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