you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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