i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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