Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
