Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
