We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize